Once you know you were the unwitting accomplice in a casual, working, business, or romantic relationship with a psychopath, it is common to question your own part in this. Based on what steps you have taken and the information you have exposed yourself to in the process of exiting the psychopathic relationship, you may subject yourself to far more self-martyrdom than necessary.
I get it. The work of coaches and therapists and their clients is much easier if the client can assume total responsibility. Why? Because in sessions with the clients, you and the client have access to all the tools necessary to change the client’s environment, heal, and empower the client. The client. If the client can assume all the responsibility, the client is all that is needed to do the work.
In most cases, this is an effective treatment model. To lead the client in the direction of assuming responsibility counselors may suggest that the client is at fault in some way, asserting personality weaknesses, lack of boundaries, or codependency may be the client’s flaws that ushered in any dramatic challenge they may be facing at present. Add a little guilt for flavor, now you have the clients blaming themselves. Now, we can get to work.
When you’ve been victimized by a predatory psychopath, others, even the professionals, can hardly believe the extremities of the psychological, and physiological abuse you may have endured, wounding, if not destroying, your very soul.
Treating a psychopath victim like any other client can be a huge disservice to the victim, further adding trauma and unintentional abuse to the psychopathic encounter and victimizing the client even more.
You Are Not Responsible for This
You already will tend to blame yourself for the mess you’ve played a part in the psychopath’s drama. The psychopathic radar is always active, scanning for new victims.
Your adversary the psychopath walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
The psychopath is looking for extraordinary people to victimize. They will have traits that he or she needs to run any number of cons that are either currently in play or in the planning stages. The psychopath seeks to enlist the aid of players who can provide him or her with the resources necessary to execute the psychopathic drama.
Psychopaths do not seek out other psychopaths to play the necessary roles in their evil cavalcade. They seek out compassionate, connected, dependable, and trustworthy people to exploit and play their respected parts in their elaborate schemes.
The ones that receive the greatest abuse at the hands of a predatory psychopath are the most compassionate, caring, and loving people in the community. Don’t be surprised if that sounds like you. They seek out those individuals who possess a servant’s heart, one that would put aside his or her needs to help someone else in need, the integrous type of person who would lay down his or her life for a friend.
In the case of your psychopathic involvement, you are not to blame. You are the unfortunate lamb in the jaws of the lion. You didn’t do anything wrong. In this case, you were the innocent victim. I am so sorry that you were selected to play this part.
Case files indicate that psychopaths are likely to target victims who can supply them with something they need to set up shop and conduct their elaborate schemes. The resources they seek are varied, often they will include, sexuality, a base of operations, finances, contacts,
Highly trusted, well-liked, kind, and loving individuals. Trusting, maybe too trusting, and naïve innocents.
The kind of people who see the best in others.
Those who are compassionate, empathetic, and more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt, and have a forgiving nature.
The supportive and loyal spouses, friends, coworkers, and family members.
Vulnerable innocents, such as those who may be
Depressed, have low self-esteem/self-confidence or a traumatic past, lonely, in need of support
People pleasers and rescuers