Let’s say you’ve recently broken yourself free from a predatory psychopath, what if you randomly run into a friend who questions you? This is a friend of yours as well as a friend of the psychopath. What do you do? Know this; there is a good chance that your friend is on an information-gathering mission for the psychopath.
Routinely, when a psychopath loses a victim or source of supply who has left before the psychopath’s full drainage of supply, they will launch a recon mission to find out what is going on. Psychopaths will use any shared resources or friends they can get their hands on, manipulating them to do his or her dirty work.
Don’t take it personally
Try not to take it personally. Yes, your formerly trusted friend is betraying your friendship to gather information for your victimizer but remember that your friend is being manipulated and conned into trying to find out what you might have to say about your relationship with the psychopath.
If they need any more information, get it from the psychopath.
Don’t fall for it.
Even if this friend is not working for the psychopath, it is best to err on the side of caution. Say nothing. My favorite response is to turn it back on the psychopath. Thank your friend for his or her concern and follow that with, “If you need any more information, it would be best to get it from…” the psychopath’s name. Just refuse to talk about the psychopath at all.
You need to look after yourself. Be on guard and suspicious of any shared connections.
Trust Your Instincts
If you are feeling suspicious, nervous, or unsure about this person’s inquiries, trust your instincts, and even if you aren’t feeling uneasy about this person err on the side of caution. There is a good chance the person who has an interest in talking to you about the psychopath is being influenced or coerced by, if not working for, the psychopath. Do not engage with this individual and refer them back to the psychopath for any further information.
Focus on Your Healing
You could thank the person for his or her concern and kindly let them know that you do not think or talk about the psychopath (using his or her proper name, don’t refer to him or her as a psychopath) as you are focused on doing the best you can to move on in life without distracting yourself with any thoughts regarding the psychopath. You are on your path to wellness and should not engage in conversation about the psychopath which might distract you from your personal goals or make you feel awkward in any way.
Think Before You Share
Even when you are around people that you think you can trust. Be aware that most anyone could be a spy or may inadvertently share a second-hand version of your story to someone who is reporting to the psychopath. If there is information that you can share in ways that you don’t mind making their way back to the psychopath, then do so, otherwise be cautious and mindful of what you share and with whom.
Vetting Friends
If you are uncertain about your friends’ true intentions, you should start vetting them. Sorry, but you cannot trust that they are acting of their own volition or have your best interests at heart, so it is necessary for taking them through your vetting process. Consider having a conversation with them in person or over the phone, rather than through text or email, as it may be easier to gauge their intentions and level of coercion.
Protection
Protecting yourself should be of primary importance. If you feel like someone is pressing you too fervently for information, making you uncomfortable or potentially threatened, cut them off. Block their numbers and social media profiles. Seek a restraining or protection order, if necessary.
Talk to Your Support Staff
It is important for you to surround yourself self with a supportive network of friends and loved ones who understand the trauma of psychopathic abuse and can offer emotional support and validation. You should be building your own support staff of individuals that you can talk to openly and honestly about your psychopath. This might include a therapist, counselor, mental health professional, victim advocate, or support group.
Your support staff will include people that you should be able to speak freely about your psychopath and the trauma and/or abuse that you suffered throughout your entanglement. Your support staff will be invaluable in dealing with your feelings, providing you with tools to set boundaries and prioritize your recovery process. They will also help provide you with protected, sacred space to conduct your deep inner work as you heal.