There are people who care about you, some who may even be active in the therapeutic sciences, who have no idea they are engaging in well-intentioned continued abuse. Even though they are trying to be understanding and supportive, they mean well but are actually doing more harm than good.
These well-intentioned psycho-ignorants do not understand that their continued disrespect actually makes the pain suffered from having dealt with a psychopath even more severe and makes it far more difficult for any recovery or healing to take place.
Examples might be like,
What? You didn’t see that coming?
Weren’t you aware of the red flags?
What about all those inconsistencies?
You What? Why would you let someone do that to you?
I told you so.
I knew you guys were not compatible.
You need to be more aware of your surroundings.
… and on and on… Even sensitive, consoling words and phrases, such as,
I love you
I care about you
I would never let anything bad happen to you
I promise I will help make all these things better
The same words may have been used by the psychopath to violate you.
Even these well-meaning individuals could be under the psychological control of your psychopath who may be manipulating them, so what you tell them in confidence, they will report to the psycho with the best of intentions, which only makes matters worse.
When someone disrespects your pain, it only makes matters worse, the wounds from the pain dig deeper, and administering the necessary healing is far more difficult and may require (metaphorical or medical) surgery.
People do not understand the depth of your pain and suffering. They do not know that your immune system, mental status, and the general physiological condition continues to deteriorate following your initial series of psychopathic abuses. You can rebuild and repair yourself to a healthy state, but you must be able to establish a positive environment for your recovery process to do so.
When well-intentioned people continue to abuse you through disrespect for your experience with the psychopath, they actually perpetuate the deterioration through continued stress and strain on your psychology and biology. This is not good for you.
This is why the recovery process is a private journey back to a healthy state for most psychopath victims because the psycho-ignorant has no idea that their disrespect is actually preventing your healing process. It is best to steer clear of them when you can.
They may never know, and probably wouldn’t understand if they did, the depth of the suffering you have endured, which may include disrespect, brainwashing, psychological manipulation, and spiritual abuse. Just someone giving advice affirmatively can trigger your defense systems and take you right back to your abused state. No one can tell you what to do, you must find your own way, and carve out your own path to wellness.
Your self-esteem, pride, and financial, physical, and sexual wellness may have been severely compromised and damaged by your psychopathic exposure. Depending on your circumstances, this event may have affected every segment and detail of your life.
Even people associated with your support for recovery may not be adequately equipped to advise you in any meaningful way. With no reference as to the depth of the horrors you may have been exposed to, and no idea that you may have exploited, abused, and victimized by using the same words and phrases that well-meaning professionals may use to calm other people with challenges in life.
Try to credit them for trying to support you in the best way they know how to, but do not let them trigger you, as the psychopath has programmed you. Do not give your psychopath the satisfaction. This applies to all potential supporters including law enforcement, doctors, coaches, therapists, or case managers. If they have no idea what you are going through, try to at least give them credit for trying and doing the best they can with what they have.
With the knowledge that they are incapable of supporting you in a manner that respects your position and wholeheartedly supports your healing and recovery, seek someone else to assist you, or establish a type of relationship where you are able to accept the assistance that benefits you from your supporter but isolate your feelings from being exposed to further suffering from the well-meaning who have no intention to hurt you (even though they do).
You must take a proactive approach to manage your own recovery, and limiting your exposure to well-meaning individuals who disrespect your situation or further abuse you unintentionally, will help greatly in getting to a healthy new normal for you.