If you are in the practice of helping others deal with domestic violence, abuse, or even victims of predatory psychopaths, you already know that getting to step one. The first step is to get them to think that there may be hope. Hope that there is enough assistance available that they can break free from the psychopath.
The victim has likely tried to escape of his or her own volition, only to find that their attempt to leave was interrupted by the psychopath and there was a great price to be paid to the psychopath for even thinking about departure. Then the psychopath tightens the reigns so tightly that the victim can barely breathe. Making them afraid to try to get away again.
Then, they find the opportunity when they think it is safe to reach out to a case worker.
1. Offer Hope and Safety
The initial contact may go something like this:
| Caseworker | Hello, I’m here to help you. My name is Sarah, and I work for a local organization that provides support and protection to victims of domestic violence. I understand that you’ve been in a relationship with a psychopath who has been abusive towards you. Is that correct? |
| Victim | Yes, that’s right. But I can’t leave him. He’ll come after me and hurt me. He’s threatened me before, and I know he’ll make good on those threats. |
| Caseworker | I understand that you’re scared, but we’re here to help you. We have resources available that can help keep you safe. We can provide you with a safe place to stay, a restraining order, and even police protection if necessary. You don’t have to live in fear anymore. |
| Victim | I appreciate your offer, but I can’t take that risk. He’s already hurt me before, and I don’t want to provoke him into doing it again. |
| Caseworker | I understand your concerns, but it’s important to remember that you don’t deserve to be treated this way. You have a right to live without fear and to be safe. It’s not your fault that he’s been abusive towards you, and you shouldn’t have to suffer in silence. |
| Victim | I know, but I just can’t take that chance. He’s very manipulative, and I’m afraid that he’ll find me no matter where I go. |
| Caseworker | I understand that you’re scared, but we have resources that can help protect you. We can provide you with a safe place to stay, and we can help you get a restraining order to keep him away from you. We can also work with the police to ensure your safety. |
| Victim | I don’t know. It’s just hard to trust anyone after what I’ve been through. |
| Caseworker | I understand that trust is difficult, but we’re here to support you. We can help you take the necessary steps to protect yourself and start a new life free from abuse. You deserve to be safe and happy, and we can help you achieve that. |
| Victim | I’ll think about it. Thank you for your help. |
| Caseworker | Of course. Please know that we’re here for you whenever you’re ready to take that step. We’ll do everything we can to keep you safe and support you through this difficult time. |
At least you have the victim thinking about it, but it will take time to develop a trusting relationship with the victim. This is step 2. Is very similar to step 1, except because the victim is calling back, the caseworker can move through step 2 which is,
2. Establish Reliability and Trustworthiness
In this step, the caseworker is build rapport with the victim. Over time, the victim will open up more, as she feels that the caseworker and her resources are reliable. The caseworker should always actively listen to the victim’s story being careful never to judge the victim or even offer advice unless the victim specifically requests feedback.
It’s all about walking along with the victim, in her shoes, empathetically as possible. Compassion is the order of the day, with the primary emphasis being to understand the victim from her point of view.
3. Make a Safe Plan
Once the caseworker has established rapport, one could move the victim forward enough to cocreate a safe plan to establish a safety net within the existing environment while under the eye of the psychopath.
There may be risks that are not apparent to the victim. Be sure to review all contingencies, just in case the odd occurrence finds the victim in a compromising position. Assist in the development of strategies to circumvent any unforeseen variance.
Do what you can. Review other safety options, like forwarding mail to a third-party mail service, changing the victim’s phone carrier account and number, unplugging from social media and the Internet, possibly even the installation of security surveillance, and carrying a small pocket audio recorder. Encourage the victim to document everything.
4. Support and Resources
You can be extremely helpful by maintaining current contact information and availability of support and various resources in your local area that may be available to the victim seeking safe refuge from the psychopath.
Resources vary between agencies, and some may not be able to offer a high level of secure temporary housing and protection.
This should include advising the victim of her legal rights and connecting her to the authorities and legal assistance that might offer support. Filing for a restraining order and/or criminal charges against the psychopath may be apropos.
Community and municipal resources may be available to offer the victim emergency food and financial support, temporary or subsidized housing, and counseling services.
5. Confidence and Courage
Parting ways with a psychopath may be the most courageous and valiant event in anyone’s life. Through the process of raising the victim’s awareness and availability of support and resources, the victim can feel more confident and courageous about her decision to execute her exit strategy.
Thereby, placing the victim in the driver’s seat of her life, possibly for the first time in her life. Now, she is feeling empowered to take control of her own life.
6. The Exit Strategy
Now that the victim is feeling like she will be able to take control of her life from the psychopath and be in charge of her own life, it is time to do the work of creating the exit strategy. Have a safe place to go to firmly established. It might be a friend’s house or a local shelter.
Review the routines, habits, and actions of the psychopath. The intent is to establish recurring patterns that can be exploited, offering the victim the time and space to execute a safe exit.
Make any transportation arrangements and take any other precautions that might be necessary.
7. Continued Support
Getting the victim to a safe and sacred living space, however modest it might be, is just the beginning. There may be extenuating circumstances requiring intervention and advocacy. Supportive counsel and legal resources must be in place, as there may be legal proceedings lurking in the wings.
Through continued support, the victim will be able to get a head start on doing the deep inner work that may be necessary to free herself from the psychopath’s grip on her soul as she deals with the pain and trauma that is buried inside her from this psychopathic episode in her life.
With support, a new empowered life awaits.
Just as in all things in life, this is just a basic guide as each case will be different, just as each person is unique. though similar and dissimilar at the same time. Above all, lead with compassion on behalf of the victim. Seek to understand and never judge.