Now that you have suffered, reviewed the evidence, inventoried your holistic abuse and loss, and have a good idea about how this came about, you can evaluate what work needs to be done for now. Don’t expect to come up with a complete list, as some of the damage will be saved for processing at a later date, but you will be able to create a substantial list to get started with.
WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
A good place to start would be examining your excuses, by looking for “because.” Well, I am in a weakened position now because ____________ fill in the blank with whatever comes after because.
You can also make a list of things that do not feel right about the condition that you are in right now. This is a good list of things that need to be addressed so that you can feel better about yourself and your continuing to do the deep work necessary to fully recover – and then some – from this psychopathic experience.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?
This is different for everyone. Rate yourself on your values, those things that you feel strongly about in your life. You were probably quite certain about what things held the highest importance in your heart and life before you were exploited by the psychopath. Since then, there’s a good chance that you’ve lost touch with your core values. Time to re-evaluate and get reacquainted with those things that are the most important to you.
SELF-CARE
This is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself as you start to undergo your process of recovering from the trauma you have suffered at the hands of the psychopath. That is to start thinking about you. You probably haven’t done that much since you got sucked into the psychopath’s whirlpool ox exploitation and abuse.
You will need some sacred space, physically, mentally, and spiritually to do the work of processing your experiences and your feelings.
It’s time you started doing the things that make you feel better. Maybe a spa day. Go to the movies. Take yourself to dinner. Empower yourself to see to your own needs and then meet them.
SET BOUNDARIES
Set boundaries and adjust them as necessary. As you increasingly establish your independence, you can make adjustments, tweaking your boundaries as necessary. As you practice enforcing your boundaries and gain experience from doing so, re-evaluate to see if you are adequately served by this boundary or need to adjust it.
BECOME A VISIONARY
Look out at your future. What might you like it to look like? Creating a clear vision of the future you aspire to will help you move toward it. For where there is no vision, the people perish. Not you.
Most of the work I have done over the course of my life has been helping people get a glimpse of what the future holds for them. I have the gift of being able to see a person at his or her highest and best, and I can clearly see the path from here to there. If I can help someone to keep a clear vision of the target, it will help them immensely to stay on track, even when the going gets rough.
You can do this too, and keeping that vision before you, by using your imagination, creating a vision board, using positive affirmations, role-playing, or any other method of reinforcement, will help to motivate you on the way.
Just know this: The greater the vision, the greater the resistance. You will be challenged by multiple forces and circumstances that will appear to distract you from achieving your highest and best. It’s up to you to muster the gumption to persevere and see your journey through to fruition.
PERSONAL SWOT ANALYSIS
Now is a good time to conduct a Personal SWOT Analysis. SWOT is an acronym for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. So, take out a piece of paper and fold it in half, then in half again to make four quadrants, or alternatively use four different pieces of paper, or documents if you’re using a computer or other electronic device. Title each area Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threats.
In the Strength portion, list all your special skills and abilities both learned and those things that just come to you naturally. In the Weaknesses section, list all of the things that do not come easily for you. Opportunities are those things you would easily benefit from either in personal or spiritual growth, financially or professionally. Those things that are considered low-hanging fruit.
Threats, of course, are any of the things that are standing in your way, preventing you from getting you from where you are to where you want to be.
EXPAND YOUR SUPPORT TEAM
Until now, you’ve maintained a tight inner circle of support staff. Think about integrating additional trusted individuals with whom you can safely connect, interact, and socialize with.
EMPOWER YOURSELF
It’s up to you to find ways how to best empower yourself and put them into motion. For some, it’s belief in a higher power and prayer, meditation, or other faithfully-inspired action. If that’s you, do those things that are necessary to motivate you. For others, it might be getting in touch with your higher self, and others maybe they just have the innate determination and diligence to do the work regardless of any distractions, “Aargh!”
No one else can see to your empowerment. It’s up to you to find out where the energy is that is within and without you and how to best access it. This is on you.
START TAKING ACTION
As you move forward in your recovery, take action, massive action, to move forward, closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be, ever closer to the vision of your highest and best.
LOVE YOURSELF
I know, it’s an overused sentiment, but it really is up to you. Find ways to forgive and love yourself unconditionally. You are a good and loveable person, and doing this will fill your reservoir, enabling you to serve love up to others. When your cup of love overfloweth, it flows all over those all around you.
You must fully love and accept yourself first. Unconditionally.
These things will enable you to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.