Psychopaths excel in using love and romance as tools of manipulation, to draw you in and set you up for “the kill.” That final blow leaves you devastated and utterly destroyed, which gives them such a gleeful sense of fulfillment. And you think “What the…?” and ask don’t they have any feelings? Any guilt or remorse? And the answer is unequivocally, “No.” If anything, they feel the opposite, they are celebrating your pain and misery, and the more devastated you are, the better they feel about the part they played in your demise.
How do you know if you are in a relationship with a psychopath?
First off, when they pour on the admiration, it is clearly over-the-top. A normal person eases softly into expressing love, but for the psychopath, it is hot, heavy, and relentless, right from the get-go. The more they learn about you, the more they adopt attributes that will place them in the enviable position to have so much in common with you. For every experience you share with them, they spin up a similar story to match yours. It’s as if you were the same person separated at birth. This builds a deep level of camaraderie, and you feel like you’ve finally found someone who “gets you,” and you are more inclined to drop your normal defense mechanisms and overlook what might have been previously perceived as red flags, to reinterpret inconsistencies as cute idiosyncrasies. They appear to be overly supportive, attentive, and empathetic.
With your sensibilities compromised and your guards down, they work their way into those deepest and darkest parts of you. They will exploit any compassion or empathy that they can find in you. It was probably your ability to be compassionate and empathetic that attracted you to them as a potential victim in the first place. The more compassionate and empathetic you are the greater their yield in terms of the potential damage that they can cause to you, and thus the greater success they can feel when you are left with nothing. It won’t be long, before you will find yourself feeling sorry for them, for all the challenges they have endured and survived, and you will feel obliged to assist them in their recovery process because you believe in them.
When you get romantically entangled with a psychopath, you will notice complications from potential love interests outside of your relationship which you’ve been assured is the primary love relationship. Ex-lovers will pop up and insinuate themselves. If you are lucky, you will discover them having private conversations with ex-lovers or potential new loves behind your back in secret, but probably not. It is difficult to catch a psychopath sneaking around because they are so good at what they do. Many of the best of them are the most covert and the least detected liars and deceivers of all. If they are caught, they excel at explaining and spinning any sort of wild fabricated story, easily dispelling any fear that you have about any of these inconsistencies potentially being a threat to your relationship.
If you’re in a relationship with a psychopath, at certain times you will find yourself thinking that you don’t know what to believe. And how could you believe anything? Because everything you have been told is a lie, but you might not know that yet. They have an uncanny ability to switch things up and make everything so confusing that it would make anyone wonder, “What’s going on here?” But if you speak about it or ask questions, get ready for long-drawn-out scenarios and stories being spun that would test the endurance of anyone. You may not be a jealous person, but they will be the first to accuse you of being jealous if you catch them flirting or sneaking around with an ex-lover or potential new object of affection. And don’t forget that any opportunity you leave open for them, they will turn around any suspicion you might have surrounding them and turn it around on you. Either you will be accused of being a psychopath yourself or potentially headed for the loony bin. You will be told that you are forgetful, confused, or must be losing your mind altogether, so much that you will even start to wonder about yourself. Believe me, you are not losing your mind, someone is trying to take it from you.
You may start to notice that psychopaths do not take responsibility for anything. Everything will be your fault or someone or something (some uncontrollable act of god) will be blamed for anything that goes wrong in their lives. They are upstanding individuals who attract unbelievable bad luck and are often the most victimized of all people on the planet (so they say).
Then, one day you notice a rapid and definite shift. Not long ago, you were the center of your psychopath’s universe. His or her whole world revolved around you. Since then, you have given up on any sense of reason and committed yourself, heart and soul, and at great sacrifice to him or her. Now that he or she has you in the palm of his or her hands, there is no longer any need to nurture the relationship. You, who were so loved and cherished, are now boring and a waste of time and energy.
Once you’ve experienced an intimate relationship with a psychopath, it can be crippling indeed. You can be left with little life force energy or will to live. Depending on what your psychopath’s intentions were, you will be left without something that your psychopath felt he or she desperately needed.
Even if you feel that there may be no life following being devastated by such a cunning psycho, please know this: There is healing and lovely life ahead for those who can learn from such an experience. Once you understand how the psychopath operates, you can prevent yourself from further victimization by this, or any other, psychopath who might be headed in your direction.
And who knows? Having survived a psychopathic relationship, you may find yourself with opportunities to help others who might find themselves in the crosshairs of a psycho.