You wake up one day and said, “I think my husband is a psychopath.” And asked yourself, “If my husband is a psychopath, what can I do?” It wasn’t that long ago that you pledged your heart and said your vows with every intention, to be honest, and transparent because you had found the true love of your life, you may have even referred to your betrothed as your soulmate.
Now you are beginning to awaken and see that things aren’t exactly like you thought they were, and you are feeling very bad about it because you have been conned big-time. The only thing is, if you tell anyone, they would never believe you because they’ve been conned too.
Even though your husband may be an abusive two-faced liar doesn’t necessarily make him a psychopath. If your husband is a psychopath, it’s likely that he has a long history of complications and troubles in his life, spanning back to early childhood, and probably included some type of abuse.
You have noticed their charming personality, and so has everyone else, and he has honeyed up to all your people and won their hearts. There is a good chance that if you were to tell them that you recently discovered Prince Charming’s true colors, they would think you were losing your grip on reality, which is exactly what your psychopathic husband had in mind.
Since 9 out of 10 people will never experience what it is like to be victimized by a predatory psychopath, there’s a good chance that no one in your inner circle will have any frame of reference for such an encounter. To the average person, you will look like you are overreacting and not appreciating the amazing choice you made in selecting a great mate for life.
This is a battle you will have to fight on your own, without your friends, but hopefully, you can find a coach, counselor, or some type of therapeutic professional with experience in assisting victims of psychopaths. Beware counselors without this type of experience, for if they do not have a clear understanding of what you are up against, they will not be giving you the best support.
There has been many a wife who has reported being married to a psychopath and was told they were overreactive or delusional and put on medications and encouraged to stay in the relationship only to suffer more horrendous abuse. Do not let this happen to you.
Also know that if your husband is a psychopath, this marriage is unsalvageable, because there is no known treatment for psychopathy. Once a psychopath, always a psychopath, and the more intelligent predatory psychopaths can go through all the motions of taking the steps necessary to “fix” a marriage in crisis, only to make the wife look like she has lost her mind and is a lost cause, then, to save your poor husband’s soul, your therapist will encourage him to divorce you to save himself from the worse fate of his prolonged suffering by staying with you, the obsessed and crazy wife.
Once you’ve reasonably identified your husband as a psychopath (only a professional can accurately diagnose a true psychopath) you need to take immediate action to start protecting yourself from further abuse.
You may not be able to escape the relationship right away, but you can still start to distance yourself from your psychopathic husband while you prepare to make your escape. The first thing you can do is to start to disconnect your heart connection with your psychopath. You have probably already noticed that your psychopathic husband is only feigning love for you. It is all an act put on for your family friends and the community. And while it has always been an act, you did not know that before now, and you likely had fallen hopelessly in love with this psycho. You need to find ways to heal your broken heart and protect it and you from further abuse.
If you must continue to live with your husband who is a psychopath, accept the fact that you have been played and conned by an evil mastermind who is prepared to launch an effective defamation of character plot against you at the first sign of resistance or defense. Now it is your turn to keep going through the motions and playing along with your husband, while you are planning to execute your disassociation, separation, and divorce from the psychopath.
Psychopathy is a spectrum and psychopaths express their preferred flavors of victimization in various ways, sometimes their abuse is clearly physical and easier to identify, but the most prolific psychopaths exert their abusiveness by targeting the heart, the mind, and the soul of their victims, which is hugely difficult to prove. So, just let go of any need to defend yourself or seek any revenge or retribution.
The most important thing is that you protect yourself and get to a safe place. If you have children, you will have to take action to protect them as well. You must maintain your cool, calm, and stealth resolve as you move through this process, and do not let on that you realize how things are, while you are preparing.
It will be hard to hold what you know inside without challenging or confronting your psychopathic husband. You will be more attentive now and notice more details that will be unaffected by the rose-colored glass you wore previously, and you will want to ask questions that you know the answer will be a lie. No one knows, right now, better than you, that nothing that comes out of his mouth is true. And if there were a sliver of truth in anything that he did say, it would be overshadowed by a massive amount of lies and deceit so that it would be unrecognizable.
Do not speak about what you are noticing or what you know to be true but document every detail of everything you can remember up until this point and in every moment that follows. From now on, document everything as close to in real-time as possible. Keep current documentation as current as possible, don’t wait until later to record it if at all possible. Document everything in a journal or notebook and keep it in a safe place.
When the coast is clear, and you can see that all the preparations you’ve made will be executable, at that moment, grab what you need and make your break for it. Get yourself to a safe, undisclosed location and file for separation and/or divorce. Once you make the break cease any and all contact with your husband and get a restraining/no-contact order from the court if he is a psychopath.
Any contact with your husband from this point forward will only give him ammunition to use against you.
Remember, “My husband is a psychopath,” and there is a good chance that your friends and family are probably “working” for your husband, so when they try to reach out to you, do not tell them anything because they will probably report whatever you say to the psycho. Try not to judge them because they have no idea what they are dealing with. Love them, but keep your distance until the smoke clears.
They will try to get details but do not confide in them. You can be briefly friendly but don’t tell them anything about the psychopath or any of your intentions regarding how you might be having to deal with the psychopath. A good response for inquiring minds that want to know anything, is, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?” And when they tell you that they did, and he doesn’t know what’s going on, then you just calmly say, “Well neither do I.” And assure them that any information will be only obtainable from your husband. Your lips are sealed.
Things may get nasty but stick to your guns. As soon as your husband, the psychopath gets wind that something is up, he will be launching his defamation campaign and using any tools (people) that he has access to against you. They will be those you loved, cared about, and trusted before his plot to victimize you was launched.
I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing emotional abuse from your husband, and I want you to know that you are not alone in this. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse and it’s important to seek help and support.
It’s common for psychopaths to be skilled at manipulating others and presenting a false image of themselves, which can make it difficult for people to believe that they are capable of abusive behavior. However, it’s important to remember that emotional abuse is real and valid, and you have the right to safety and respect in your relationship.
There is hope for you, and the first step is to reach out for help. You can start by speaking to a therapist or counselor who can provide a safe and supportive space to process your experiences and help you develop coping strategies. You can also seek out support groups or hotlines for emotional abuse survivors.
It’s important to remember that leaving an abusive relationship can be a difficult and complex process, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, there are resources and support available to help you navigate this process and rebuild your life.
If you are concerned about your safety, it’s important to develop a safety plan and consider seeking a restraining order or involving law enforcement. A mental health professional can help you explore your options and develop a plan that works best for you.
Your psychopath victims’ coach will help set up the support and resources that you will need.