I’ve heard psychopath victims say, “I trust too much.” like it’s some sort of character flaw or bad thing. I don’t blame them for jumping to that conclusion because if they hadn’t trusted so much, they may have avoided the psychopathic encounter altogether. Your ability to openly trust others, to see the best in others, your generous and open heart, and your willingness to put aside your own needs for the greater good, are all important character traits that inspire others in our communities. Don’t let this psychopath take these personality traits away from you.
On the other hand, when you are working with someone while you are recovering from your experience with your psychopath, it may be a good idea to dig down inside yourself to see if you can uncover any reasons that you might be trusting too much. Oftentimes, there are underlying personal issues that cause people to overcompensate in areas of trust and service to others. The giving of oneself too much can have a negative impact on the giver, especially if there is no replenishment of the giver’s resources.
This deficit is often the result of hidden, or undealt-with, issues from the past that may be likely to contribute to this unhealthy overcompensation. Doing this deep work and healing from issues from your past that may be overshadowing your life experience can be one of the benefits of this horrific experience that you have endured at the hands of your psychopath.
You may have to ask your inner and higher selves,
Why do I feel compelled to over-serve?
Over-serving is giving to others when you do not have the resources to give from. Healthy service to others comes from the abundance of whatever it is that you’re giving. A healthy server seeks to maintain his or her needs first, then helps others from a healthy space.
Over-servers pique the interest of the predatory psychopath on the prowl for candidates for victimization, healthy servers are not as easily manipulated because they are more centered, balanced, and healthy, and they require far less validation from others. Psychopaths are very keen at feigning validation that looks and feels like compassion, support, praise, and love, but it is all just a confidence game to gain your trust to set you up for his or her ultimate blow.
Not caring for oneself first is a common characteristic of over-servers. It is the reason why the best people, the ones that we admire most due to their selfless service, suffer from failing physical and psychological health later in life.
The compulsion to over-serve may come from a deep-seated need to seek validation of service to compensate for a feeling of lack or unworthiness. By dealing with these underlying issues, you can break the cycle of attracting people who are less respectful or may have a tendency to take advantage of your generosity, which you have recently witnessed in its most extreme form in your experience with the psychopath.
Healthy recovery from your psychopathic encounter is the silver lining behind the cloud of this psychopathic episode. You can overcome this and emerge as a new, more powerful, and loving you than would have ever been possible before this experience. In that respect, you can be grateful, though maybe not at this moment, it will come following your resulting healing, personal growth, and gained wisdom.