Are you a people pleaser or rescuer? If there’s something deep within you that seeks to reach out to others and put their needs above yours, you might be a people pleaser. While these are the most beloved people in our communities or the most taken advantage of by close friends in relatives, these people are generally the ones who are running on fumes.
You’re longing to be of service to others can be a detriment if you are not taking enough time to replenish your own recourses while you are helping others or taking the occasional sabbatical from service to relax, rebuild, regenerate, and recharge so that you have something to give from.
People pleasers are usually so focused on expected outcomes that they are likely to try to do the work that should be done by the people they are trying to help. And in doing so, are likely to be taken advantage of regularly.
Low self-esteem/self-confidence, a troubled past, lack of adequate parenting in formative years, and trauma can be driving forces behind the people pleaser who seeks validation in the helping or fixing of others.
Predatory psychopaths know all about this, and they are prepared to give any enthusiastic servant all the praise and attention they need to feel sufficiently validated, as they groom them to play their part in the next psychopathic scheme.
Being a people pleaser is not a bad thing if you practice self-care, are aware that there are those with the proclivity to take advantage of your generosity and set healthy boundaries accordingly and find ways to reward and validate yourself for your efforts put forth in service to others.
Rescuers
The most honorably courageous people in our society are those who humbly and graciously are willing to put themselves in harm’s way to save someone else. These are our heroes, those who run into burning buildings to help someone trapped inside.
High sensitives, or the Highly Sensitive Person, are empathetic and are likely to sense the emotions of other people, becoming so overcome, that they can put the needs of others far ahead of their own, possibly even disregarding situations that would normally inspire caution or even signs of danger in the quest to reach out to someone whose suffering they have adopted as their own.
Rescuers are often their own worst enemies with a tendency to beat themselves up, and hold themselves fully responsible for accidents, those things that seem to serve no purpose other than complicate their efforts and ability to save someone else from some tragic circumstance.
Often, they seek to self-medicate in addictions that serve the purpose of soothing their self-loathing, at least until the next time they are called into action again.
Is There Hope?
Certainly, there is hope for People Pleasers and Rescuers. Everything that you will ever need is and has always been, inside of you. No one is telling you not to be the person that you are, only to perform your acts of service with strength and integrity.
Do not let your service to others lead to martyrdom. You have nothing to prove to anyone, we already can see how self-sacrificial you can be, and we long to see you operate to the full capacity of your abilities without having to wonder if we may lose you in the process.
It is quite simple, reducing it to its most simple terms, just making the effort to treat yourself as you would treat others. You first, then others.
Just as you have an inner knowing about what others need. You also have an inner knowingness about what you need.
Healthy service is conducted from a position of abundance. Seek to support your health so much, that your health spills over onto those all around you. Love yourself so much that it overflows onto others.
Be the rescuer to yourself, your inner child, and your wounded past, and save others from this abundance of expanded inner strength and fortitude.
Having done so, you do not need self-destructive behaviors or addictions. After a while, you can come to a place of healthful resolve and peace.